Best Answer: As time passes, gender roles will become increasingly key and important and are changing rapidly.
[[and..and..? That's a no-no. Also called a Run-on. Plus, key and important mean the same thing. Drop 'and important' Also, you changed tenses. 'will...are' Pick one tense]]
The types of gender roles a person was exposed to as a child may affect how the child grows to learn the differences between male and female roles.
[[change was to is. perhaps simplify the second half of the statement. perhaps use: may affect how a child perceives male-female roles.]]
Since the beginning of time men have played the dominant role in nearly every culture around the world.
[[NEVER use "from the dawn of time/throughout history/since the beginning of time" There are always PLENTY of counterexamples. Also, this statement is in very many ways false. Just say 'many cultures, both present and pass, are patriarchal]]
Gender roles influence relationships between men and women and can cause diversity between the two sexes. The breadwinner role is no longer primarily filled by males-about half of married white men and a third of married black men bring in at least 70% of a family’s income, and more than 30% of women in dual-worker families make more money than their male partners.
[[you contradict yourself. you can't say males are not primarily responsible, and then give statistics that say they ARE. primary means most, meaning majority, meaning greater than 50%. Take a stance, back up that side.]]
Gender roles is just one point of difference that proves America has come a long way and will continue to rapidly make a difference in diversity.
[[the word 'roles' is plural. change your 'is' to 'are'. And I see what your teacher means. If this is an introduction, then you should be introducing your essay, not pointing out one point. This is more of a body paragraph. If your paper is on gender roles, this is a great introduction(although it jumps around a bit, and I'd use 'just one way to prove America...' instead), but if it is about diversity, as you state in your "thesis", then this is not a good introduction at all. If you are writing about diversity, your introduction must center on DIVERSITY, not GENDER ROLES. Yes, you can use the roles as background and support, but the whole paragraph should lean towards Diversity, INCLUDING the thesis statement.]]
Rory Lynn · 9 years ago
Sorry, but the nature of a good thesis depends to a great extent on the nature of the assignment--the kind of essay you're being asked to write.
If the assignment is to write an argumentative or persuasive essay, the thesis should be a sentence that clearly states your position on the issue you're writing about.
If you're writing an extended definition, a one-sentence formal definition would be a good thesis: "A ____ is a ____ with _____." (I. e. it should put the thing being defined in its class or category and distinguish it from other members of that class.)
If you're writing a process analysis, the thesis should describe the process in one sentence--say whether it's a simple process or a complex one, or mention the number of steps, or simply say in that one sentence what it does.
If you're writing a cause-and-effect analysis, decide whether you're going to analyze the effects of one cause or the causes of one effect; then write a thesis that states what those causes or effects were or are. (Here, if you're going to discuss causes, begin the introduction by describing the existing situation, and end it with a thesis that says in one sentence why that situation came about. And if you're going to discuss effects, use the first two or three sentences of the introduction to describe or recount the events that brought these effects about, and end the introduction with a thesis that covers all the effects you're going to discuss. It needn't mention them all specifically, but it should COVER them.)
As you've noticed, I keep saying that the thesis should be the last sentence of the introduction and that the introduction should lead up to it. The introduction should also begin with a sentence that catches the reader's attention. And the thesis should always be one sentence that states the main idea of the entire essay, just as a topic sentence does for a single paragraph.
I hope I haven't just told you things you already knew!
Edit: You asked whether the thesis has to be the last sentence of the introduction. No, it doesn't absolutely HAVE to, but I've found that it works better there than at the very beginning. Since your teacher requires it there, you may as well put up with the restriction for the next three months, but if you really want to experiment with putting it at the beginning when you have a little more flexibility, just be sure not to put too much in the rest of the introduction--save most of what you want to say for the body. And above all, be sure to put your thesis either first or last and don't bury it in the middle.
Source(s): Retired English professor
aida · 1 decade ago